


The Gala Conundrum

by justmarcialima



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: BAMF River, F/F, Guns, I don't know what else to tag, Innuendo, Pre-OT3, Slow Dancing, Threats of Violence, Yas has a crush, girls hide things in their bras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-06
Updated: 2018-11-06
Packaged: 2019-08-19 13:50:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16535786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justmarcialima/pseuds/justmarcialima
Summary: The Doctor and the gang infiltrate a gala to retrieve an artifact.Of course River is there causing trouble.





	The Gala Conundrum

**Author's Note:**

> Yep another fanfic by me. This one just happened because I imagined Jodie Whittaker in a burgundy suit and my mind melted. Wrote this in a rush so any mistakes are mine. Please leave kudos and comments if you like. They are much appreciated. Enjoy!

“We’ll need to infiltrate in a gala!” The Doctor announced excitedly to her companions who only blinked owlish at her. 

“I beg your pardon?” Graham asked in a confused tone. 

“The sacred artifact that we’re looking for.” She said. “It’s going to be sold at a black market gala tonight so we need to go undercover and retrieve it so we can bring it back to its rightful owners.” 

“And how do you suppose we are going to do that? We certainly don’t have an invitation.” Yaz asked crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that Yaz!” The Doctor shrugged. “I have a plan.” 

“Do you actually have a plan or are you just saying that, Doctor?” Ryan asked. 

“I actually have a plan this time. Trust me!” Graham, Yaz and Ryan glanced worriedly at each other but complied. “Brilliant! Now, Yaz you’re gonna be my plus one and Graham and Ryan are going to go solo.” 

“Hey! Why do you two get to go with each other and we will go alone?” Graham complained. 

“Because of the sexist notion that a woman alone draws more attention than a guy.” The Doctor rolled her eyes. “Besides, no offense Graham, but you’re a bit too old looking to be my plus one if Yaz went with Ryan.” 

“Oi!” Graham said but he wasn’t actually offended. 

“Doctor, how are we going to go if we don’t have fancy clothes?” Yaz asked, trying to appear nonchalant about the fact that she had an almost date with the Doctor. “We can’t go to the gala wearing jeans and t shirts.”

The Doctor gave Yaz a spectacular grin causing the girl’s heart to skip a beat. “Follow me!” With that she sauntered off the console room with her companions following close behind. They made various turns and twists, so many that by the time they reached their destination Yaz was a bit dizzy. The Doctor opened the double doors and Yaz felt her chin hitting the floor at the same time that Ryan and Graham gasped. “Welcome to the TARDIS wardrobe, here you’ll find any type of clothes you need in any size.” The place was massive, Yaz was certain it was the size of her neighborhood back in Sheffield. 

“Oh my God!” She wheezed out. “If you had all of this here, why did we pay for your new clothes back at the thrift store?” She glanced at the Doctor who shrugged. 

“You told me I needed to change and we hadn’t found my TARDIS yet.” 

“This is amazing!” Ryan said excitedly while he picked up clothes from different eras in time. “You have every era in here.”

“Yep.” The Doctor said with a smile. “Everything is genuine too. I have James Dean leather jacket in here somewhere.” She said absentmindedly as she looked through the clothes. 

“Cool!” Ryan said in an awed tone of voice as he looked around. 

“Here!” The Doctor exclaimed. “Tuxedo and shoes for you.” She handed Ryan a plain black tuxedo and a pair of black shiny shoes. “And for you!” She gave the same to Graham. “You can go get ready if you want.” 

Graham thanked her and started to walk out, stopping when he realized Ryan was still looking in eye at the wardrobe. Graham rolled his eyes and grabbed Ryan’s arm. “C’mon kid! Let the two of them have a moment to themselves.” He whispered and Ryan nodded, following Graham out of the room and leaving Yaz and the Doctor alone. 

“Well, you’re going to be a little bit more complicated.” The Doctor said turning to Yaz and eyeing her body up and down with a clinical and efficient look. That did not stop Yaz from blushing. “Tuxedos are plain and generic most of the time but dresses we have so many options!” She said in an excited tone. “What color do you fancy?” 

“I like darker colors.” She whispered as she followed the Doctor dodging clothes on the floor the farther they went into the room. 

“Here are the dresses in your size in darker colors. Have fun! You can choose whatever you want.” The Doctor turned around to leave. 

“Wait!” Yaz grabbed her arm making the blonde look up into her eyes. “Aren’t you going to pick a dress too?” 

“Nah!” She gave Yaz a wicked smile. “I already have something else in mind.” She grinned. “Meet back here? I will definitely need help with makeup.” 

Yaz smiled at her. “Sure.” With that she let the Doctor go and turned around back to her options. There were a lot of options just like the Doctor had said and Yaz felt overwhelmed. She was never the type of girl that pondered a lot about her clothes. She was a cop and as a cop she needed to be more practical instead of fashionable. She hoped that when she was promoted to detective she would care more about what she dressed but so far that day hadn’t arrived. She looked through her options finding a long dark green dress that shimmered under the lights and a pair of black high heels that weren’t too high or uncomfortable. Looking around, she found a type of dress room where she could change. The girl shed her own clothes off fast and put on the dress, having trouble to zip it all the way up. She was just putting on her heels and freeing her hair when she heard the Doctor’s voice calling out to her. Yaz took a deep breath and exited the dressing room finding the Doctor there. The woman gasped as the Doctor smiled at her.   
“How do I look?” She gave a little enthusiastic turn so Yaz could look at the whole assemble. 

The Doctor wasn’t wearing a dress, she was wearing a suit. In truth Yaz had met the Doctor wearing a suit but it was much bigger for her small physic and it was all tattered. Not this one. This one hugged all the elements of her body perfectly. The suit was a dark burgundy color, with high waisted pants and a longer jacket than what was usually made for women. Beneath the suit there was a black button up shirt buttoned all the way to her neck and the Doctor was wearing shiny Scarpins with heels much higher than Yaz ever thought she would see her in, causing the woman to tower over her. Her earrings and piercing gave her a nice edgy complement and her hair wasn’t straight as it usually was, but wavy. Yaz thought she looked perfect. 

“You look amazing.” She answered feeling like she was out of breath. The Doctor beamed at her. 

“Thank you. The heels are a tricky part but I feel like they complement the look, plus I really miss being taller. I used to have longer legs, you know.” She said. “Oh, you need help zipping up your dress?” She asked, walking towards Yaz. 

“Yes, please.” She said as the Doctor turned her around and Yaz found herself looking at a large mirror. The blonde pushed her dark hair aside and started zipping up her dress, making Yaz hold her breath and shiver when her knuckles blushed lightly against her bare back. 

“There you go!” The Doctor said as she placed her hands on Yaz’s shoulders and smiled at her at the mirror. “You look stunning, Yaz.” Yasmin had to agree with the Doctor. The dress hugged her body perfectly, accentuating parts that she loved and hiding all that she was insecure about. Yaz sighed and grabbed her hair, quickly French braiding it so she looked more formal. 

“Wow, you guys look great!” Ryan exclaimed as he entered the room, breaking the moment between the two of them. Graham was following right behind. 

“You two don’t look that bad yourselves.” The Doctor walked away from Yaz to look at the two of them. “We just need to do some makeup and we’re ready to go.” 

Yaz sighed and turned around. “Just give me a minute, I’ll do mine and then I’ll do yours.” She said causing the Doctor to nod. 

Yaz whipped out her makeup and pondered in what she would do after she prepped her face, deciding on something simple like mascara, eyeliner and a nude lipstick. She was done a few minutes later and motioned for the Doctor to sit in front of her. “Do you have any lighter foundation in here? I don’t think mine would work for you.” She chuckled. 

The Doctor got up from her seat and went to rummage some drawers, muttering something under her breath that sounded a lot like “She used makeup, she must have something stashed here…” before she made an A-HÁ sound and came back with a bag of makeup, fortunately all in her color. Yaz only raised an eyebrow but did not ask anything and started. She didn’t want to put a lot of makeup on the Doctor since she usually did not wear any, so she settled for something simple like hers, adding just a little more highlight because the effect looked amazing on the woman and a pink lipstick. 

“There. All done.” Yaz said with a little flare and the Doctor got up, looking herself in the mirror and fixing her hair behind her pierced ear. 

“Thanks Yaz.” She smiled sweetly at the girl, then she started patting her pockets. “Let’s see if everything is here. Sonic screwdriver check, psychic paper check…” She kept mumbling and when she was finished she looked at them. “I don’t understand why women’s clothes have shallow or fake pockets, we usually bring a lot more stuff along.” She huffed. 

“Conspiracy of the fashion industry so we’ll buy purses.” Yaz muttered as she put on a few accessories to complete her look. 

“I love conspiracy theories and that one makes a lot of sense.” She nodded. “Ok, gather around to hear the plan.” 

In the end the Doctor’s plan was to wait in line behind each other so they could pass the psychic paper around and enter the party. It worked surprisingly well and soon enough the Doctor and the gang were entering the fancy gala. 

“Ok, let’s divide and conquer. Everyone’s communicators are working?” She asked as she enlaced her arm with Yaz’s. 

“Yeah.” They all answered. The Doctor had given them tiny communicators that would be invisible in their ears. 

“Let’s just mingle for a while and see if we can catch anyone speaking about the artifact.” She smiled. “Try to have fun in the meantime.” 

They nodded and Graham went left while Ryan went right. Yaz and the Doctor made their way to the bar that was the center of the gala. They rested against the bar looking around for a bit. 

“Do you want something to drink?” Yaz asked as she hailed the bartender for a glass of champagne. The Doctor shook her head. 

“I usually hate alcohol and although I regenerated, I don’t think this face likes it either. It burns.” She made a face causing Yaz to laugh. 

“Well, would you like to dance?” She asked. The Doctor shook her head again. 

“I don’t think I dance either.” She frowned. “My Eleventh regeneration thought he could dance but couldn’t and my Twelfth could play the guitar very well but I don’t think he knew how to dance either.” 

“Does it get confusing? Having all these different lives and bodies?” Yaz asked as she took a sip of her drink. 

“Sometimes it’s overwhelming. But it’s just part of who I am.” She gave a sweet smile. “After a few thousand years you get used to it.” She winked at Yaz, causing the girl to blush. 

“Doctor!” Ryan and Graham sided up next to them on the bar. “We found someone who was talking about the artifact.” He said frantically, not an ounce of subtlety in him. 

“Who?” The blonde asked as she grabbed a few appetizers from a waiter’s tray and stuffed all of it into her mouth. 

“That blonde woman over there.” Graham pointed discreetly, much more discreetly than Ryan, and the Doctor followed his finger, gasping when her gaze reached its destination. 

“River.” She whispered in a muffled tone. “Of course this is her doing.” 

“Do you know her, Doctor?” Yaz asked, touching lightly the Doctor’s wrist when she realized how pale she had become. 

Like she knew people were talking about her, River turned her face around and caught the Doctor’s eyes, smiling at her from afar. The Doctor swallowed dry the appetizers in her mouth and looked away, blushing red as a tomato. 

“Oh no, this is bad!” She glanced up again and saw River saying goodbye to the people that were talking to her, swiftly making her way towards them. 

“Doctor, who is she?” Graham asked frantically in a worried tone. 

“My wife.” She whispered. Before they could say anything else like they wanted to, she continued. “She cannot know who I am and she’s coming this way right now, so shush!” In her panic, she grabbed a flute of champagne from a waitress tray and gulped down half of its contents in a single gulp, not really tasting the alcohol. 

“You don’t drink.” Yaz whispered at her. 

The Doctor was going to tell her to shush one more time but River reached them at that exact moment. She looked absolutely magnificent. River’s hair was curly, full and loose just the way the Doctor liked it. She was wearing a dark red lipstick that made her lips appear fuller and her dress was surprisingly devoid of a cleavage tonight. The dress was a deep navy blue, with lace on the top part that gave a nude illusion and sleeveless and had a sheath bottom in a lighter tone of blue in a fabric that appeared to be silk. The Doctor realized that even though the two of them were wearing heels, River was still an inch or two taller than her. The Time Lord had no idea she would like it that much. 

“Go easy, sweetheart. We don’t want you to be drunk before the climax of the party.” She said in a flirty tone of voice as she pressed her body against the bar, effectively shutting Yaz out of the Doctor’s sight and asked for a scotch. When she received her drink she turned around to face the Doctor fully with no one else between them, since Ryan and Graham were behind the Doctor. “I’m Professor River Song.” She extended her hand with a smile. 

The Doctor grabbed her soft hand in hers and shook it lightly, ignoring the sparks she felt all over her body. “Nice to meet you. I’m John- I mean Joan Smith.” 

River bit her lip as they released their hands. “It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Joan.” She drank a sip from her scotch. “I caught you staring. Didn’t your mom told you it’s rude to stare?” 

“Couldn’t help myself.” She answered truthfully, only after realizing it sounded unpredictably flirtatious. It made River smile anyways, so it wasn’t all bad. 

“Bold girl.” She smirked. “I like that. Would you care for a dance?” 

“Yeah.” The Doctor responded before she could help herself. She heard Yaz’s gasp behind River but both woman ignored her. River placed her half full scotch on the bar and grabbed the Doctor’s hand, whisking her away from the company of her shocked companions. The blonde tried to look behind her shoulder to apologize but only caught a glance at her friends before River was spinning her around and placing her hands on the other woman’s waist causing the Doctor to wrap her arms around River’s neck. This was also a change, usually The Doctor was the one leading even if she never knew a thing about dancing. Having River that close to her was making a samba appear on her chest, with both her hearts beating wildly. She could feel every warm inch of her and if she concentrated enough she could even locate where her wife was hiding her gun. River smelled like stardust and artron energy and the Doctor wanted to drown in her scent so she would never forget. There in her arms the Doctor felt like everything she loved was right there, because it was. She was complete inside the bracket of River’s arms, but unfortunately her wife couldn’t know that. 

“So, what brings you here?” River asked as they danced. 

“My associates and I are hoping to auction off the Vinvocci artifact.” 

“Oh really?” She looked intrigued. “What for?”

The Doctor took time to ponder on her answer while River twirled her around. The blonde decided to go with the truth. 

“We want to reintegrate the artifact to its rightful owners.” 

River smiled. “Of course you do.” She dipped the Doctor and whispered in her ear. “You know, all that self-righteousness reminds me of my husband.”

“Oh?” The Doctor responded as River lifted up again, pressing their bodies even more. The Time Lord felt her hearts missing a beat in unison. 

“Might be why I was immediately drawn to you.” She smirked causing the Doctor to blush. “Anyways, why do you have so much confidence that you’re the one who’s going to win the auction? There’s a lot of rich people here.” 

“Trust me, River. I’ll get that artifact.” She said fiercely. 

“You might want to rethink that.” 

“Why?”

“Because I stole it.” 

Before the Doctor could say “WHAT” guards started pouring out of every corner of the Gala coming directly at them. 

“I apologize in advance for this, sweetie.” River said as they stopped dancing abruptly. 

“For what?” Before the Doctor could do anything else, River was twirling her until her back was pressed to the woman’s front. The Doctor took a moment to realize how nice they fit together before she noticed the blaster pressed gently to her head. All she could do was roll her eyes and mutter under her breath. “So dramatic.” 

“Stay behind I say!” River yelled dramatically. “Or I will blow this pretty blonde’s brains out!” 

The Doctor watched her friends horrified faces in the distance and tried to convey with her eyes that she was certain River wouldn’t actually kill her. Fortunately the guards stayed behind, still pointing their weapons at them. 

“Do you even have an escape plan?” The Doctor whispered at her wife. 

“Of course I do. I’m not you who just wing it and hope for the best.” She whispered back. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“This new body suits you, Doctor.” 

The Doctor gasped. 

“You knew who I was?”

“Of course I knew, nobody looks at me the way you do.” 

She could hear River’s eyes rolling.

“You didn’t recognize past me.” 

“Fine, I might have recognized this one.” 

“How?” 

“Spoilers, now shush!” She pushed the Doctor forwards as a guard came behind them and just like that all hell broke loose. River started to shoot and people started running and screaming while the Doctor tried to disarm as many guards as she could with her sonic. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough and they were captured. Graham, Yaz and Ryan too since they were seen talking with the Doctor. They were all shoved into a locked room and tied up in chairs in front of each other. River had been disarmed but the Doctor managed to hide her sonic before being captured. 

“Was that part of your brilliant plan?” The Doctor asked. She was tied up in front of River and their knees were touching. Yaz, Ryan and Graham were a few meters behind them, in a corner. 

“Oh shut up. You threw me off my rhythm.” 

“Me? How did I do that?” The Doctor asked in a high pitched disbelieving of voice. 

Before River could respond they were interrupted by Graham. 

“As much as I don’t love a bickering couple, tell me something… Why are we still alive right now?” 

“They don’t have the artifact.” The Doctor responded. “My wife here stole it before we could.” 

“They’ll interrogate us first, probably through torture.” River nodded. “This means we need to escape before they return.” 

“Wait, she knows that you’re married to her?” Yaz asked. “What happened to “She can’t know?”? 

“The cat’s out of the bag now, Yaz.” The Doctor said. 

“We weren’t going to tell me?” River looked mildly hurt. 

“Last time I saw you I thought I would never see you again.” The Doctor whispered in a somber tone. “I thought this was a younger version of you, before Darillium.” 

“Before the Library.” River had a dark look on her eyes. “Escaped that a few years ago.” 

“How?” 

“Not the time and place to be having this conversation.” She squared her shoulders again. “Do you have a plan?” 

“In fact I have.” The Doctor blushed. “It might involve some undressing though.” 

The companions muttered a shocked “WHAT” and River smirked. 

“Oh, I longed to hear those words in a different situation and scenario.” She sighed. “What do you mean?” 

“I might have stuffed my sonic screwdriver in my bra.” She said. 

“What?!” Again came from her stunned companions. 

“Well, they were coming and I knew they would search my pockets so the only place I thought to hide it was in there.” The blonde said in a rush. “Now that I’m a woman is like having an extra pocket since women’s clothes have no pockets. What’s up with that?” She asked, annoyed. 

Yaz looked above Ryan’s head to see that in fact the Doctor’s first two buttons were unbuttoned, not like they had been in the beginning of the evening. 

“And how do you plan to make River retrieve it if her hands are also tied?” Ran asked in an innocent tone, not realizing the only way that could happen. 

“With my mouth, silly.” River had the biggest mischievous grin in the world. The Doctor was as red as a tomato. “Don’t worry, it’s definitely not our first time doing this.” 

“River!” The Doctor chastised her, while her three companions groaned at the innuendo. 

“Fine, fine. You guys are no fun.” She sighed. “Don’t look kids, mummy and mummy are busy.” With that River reached forwards and started unbuttoning the Doctor’s shirt with her teeth. They were close enough that she could do this without a hitch. The Doctor shuddered as soon as she felt River’s hot breath on her delicate skin and she felt her nipples instantly harden as her teeth brushed ever so slightly against her cleavage. That made the Doctor thank whoever had invented padded bras. It took a while to do it but finally River had reached the top of her breasts, seeing the simple white bra the Doctor was wearing and inside the amber tip of her sonic screwdriver. The woman pulled it out with her teeth and lowered her body even more, feeling the rope digging into her wrists as she placed it in the Doctor’s hand. 

The two blondes released the air they were holding and the Doctor managed to release herself and River from the confines as well as her companions. 

“Right, let’s go!” The Doctor said, not realizing both Ryan and Graham were staring at the other way. 

“Doctor, you might want to fix you shirt first.” Yaz deadpanned and the Doctor looked down to realize her shirt was still open. She blushed as she started buttoning it.   
“Gang, this is my wife Doctor River Song, she’s an archeologist from the future, a university teacher and troublemaker in her spare time. River, these are Yaz, Graham and Ryan.” She introduced as she finished doing her buttons. 

“It’s a pleasure.” River smiled mischievously. 

“When were you going to tell us that you’re basically married to a female Indiana Jones?” Ryan asked as the Doctor opened the door for them. 

“Oh, I loved the reference.” River said excitedly as they ran through the corridors before the goons realized they were gone. 

“But… The Doctor hates guns.” Yaz asked in a dazed tone. River glanced at her briefly. 

“True, but I don’t mind it much when it’s her who’s carrying it.” The Doctor frowned. “Might be a double standard.”

“You just find it sexy.” River piped in. The Doctor did not correct her, making her smile. 

“Wait!” Graham stopped causing all of them to stop as well. “What about the artifact?” 

“Do you mean the enormous safire that the Vinvocci worship as a God?” River asked nonchalantly as she kept walking, making them follow her. They all nodded. “You’ll never belief this coincidence but it’s in my bra as well.” 

“I knew it! Girls do hide things in their bras!” The Doctor turned around as they reached the Tardis, parked neatly and hidden just outside the place they had been in. 

“Bravo, honey. Can’t wait to have you retrieve it with your teeth as well.” She whispered seductively at her wife. The Doctor smirked. 

“Even if I retrieve it to give it back to the Vinvocci?” 

River sighed like it pained her a great deal. 

“Sacrifices must be made but it will be worth it in the end.” She winked as she waited at the door of the TARDIS for Graham, Ryan and the Doctor to enter. 

“Don’t run away.” The Doctor warned. 

“Never.” She winked and finally the Doctor entered. When Yaz was passing her, River held her arm lightly. “Yaz, was it?” She asked and the girl nodded, confused. “Don’t worry about your crush on the Doctor.   
“No-no I don’t- “ River placed a finger on her lips to stop her from denying it. 

“I saw the way you look at her. It’s relatable. Everybody finds themselves falling in love with the Doctor. It’s inevitable.” She smiled softly. “She probably fancies you just as much, she’s just hard to read sometimes, although I think this version looks more open.” 

“What?” The girl looked confused. 

“We’re not exclusive. Our marriage timeline isn’t linear. ” She said. “Don’t lose hope just because she’s married.” River smirked. “Stop by later if you want to join us.” She winked and with that she entered the TARDIS walking straight to the Doctor’s bedroom. Yaz stood quietly at the door, stunned, but with a beautiful and hopeful smile on her face.


End file.
